I Didn't Kill That Man

Great God almighty I didn't kill that man,
He may have raised his hand against me,
He may have done what a vile man does
but I didn't kill him.
But I did think about it.
I wanted to shoot him inthe balls,
I wanted to slit his throat when he's sleeping,
I wanted to smash his smug face in,
I wanted to drown him in the tub,
I wanted to hurt him with
the butcher knife, the iron, the kettle
but I didn't do it.
I swear I didn't kill him
when I actually ought to.
No one is allowed to treat another
human being the way he does.
He is an animal that should be caged,
whipped to his senses,
bound with wires and cords,
gagged with gas and seared with fire.
You think a small petite woman like me
has the strength to murder
that giant of a bastard?
Just because I have a motive,
just because I did imagine it
doesn't mean I did it.
Don't you see?
A man like him deserves to die ...
horribly.
But I didn't kill that man.
You think I drugged him with poison
in small dosages
and left him to die like a
diseased rat?
I took care of him when he was sick.
Would I do that if I wanted to kill him?
Sure, I saw him deteriorating away,
literally decaying like meat
left out in the sun and rain.
Sure I saw his skin and flesh
swell and puncture,
oozing with yellow substance,
and his eyes protruded out
like a red ping pong ball.
but it doesn't mean anything
when I didn't tell anyone about it,
I just didn't want to bother anyone.
So what if I saw him retch out
blood and all his food.
It's really nothing when you're sick,
that happens all the time.
Maybe he could have begged for help
but I thought he was being delirious.
You know how people are
when they are spaced out
with painkillers.
All I'm saying is
I didn't kill him,
if I did he would have died
a long time ago.
I cared for that man,
even though he hit me like a rag doll.
You can see the bruises and marks
he left on me,
my broken wrist which never got
any medical attention
because he didn't want me to go
to the doctors.
And here's another scar where he
knifed me,
and this patch of baldness
on my head where he struck me
with his belt buckle.
Hair won't grow there anymore.
There are other injuries
I would like to show you
but I can't, I'm a woman.
Do you still believe me
if I told you
I didn't kill that man?